The Triangle

Victim, Perpetrator, Rescuer

This triangle, in which the roles can and do often change or even rotate is someting people can find themselves embroiled or even trapped in. Awareness of its existance and each of the roles makes it easier to detect when it is ‘in play’.

Why can’t  someone be rescued? They can, the question is does that serve them in the longer term.  To explain that a bit more, if someone is seen as ‘needing’ to be rescued;

1. The ‘Rescuer’  makes a judgement that something is ‘wrong’ with them.  Unconditional Love makes no judgement it knows that each of us is exactly where we ‘need’ to be at every moment.
2.  A Rescuer needs a Victim, and somewhere there must also be a Perpetrator – someone(or something) that ‘wronged’ the victim. So for someone to be a rescuer, there is an acknowledgement that there is a victim – and in that moment, both are frozen in those roles, and also the perpetrator is frozen in that role.  read more.. or perhaps more accurately the three can be caught in ‘the Triangle’ 

Most if not everyone of us feels sometimes that it would be nice to be rescued, for someone to come along and say, “I have all the answers, you are safe now”. And very often that is just what happens someone comes along (could be a partner or friend etc) and ‘helps’ by making decisions for the ‘victim’ ( usually  without being asked) This although it appears to help on the surface, actually dis -empowers the ‘victim’ and can easily keep them in that role.

Does this mean we can’t help someone else? – of course not.  We can help in an empowering way – sometimes this can be a simple as asking questions -rather than providing answers, or simply listening to someone while they work out there own answers.

 

More coming soon (add links to good web sites)